You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Randomize
