R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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