Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
