My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
