Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
