They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
