i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
