How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
