turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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