a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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