My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Say something about gay babies.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize