the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
