We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize