We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
