no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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