I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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