Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
