You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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