Yo dont text me then not text me
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize