im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
