Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just found puke in my bra..
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
