if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
