the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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