Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
