the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
