Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
