question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
