I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize