Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Randomize
