Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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