Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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