my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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