ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
