Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
