so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
