Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize