So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
