I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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