I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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