Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
