WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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