hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
