The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize