dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
