are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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