So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
