he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
