4 words: hood of his car
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
