gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
