I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
