I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
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