Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
