I only kidnapped one of them. chill
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
