they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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