I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Randomize
