we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
