But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
