Sry I called you an 8
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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