never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I need water and some morals
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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