We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
