I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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