i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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