it wasn't lemon gatorade
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I am mentally ready for anal.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
