Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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