We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize