ya dads aren't the best wingmen
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
