just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
