They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
