oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
