At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
