is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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