areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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